...because it means I have a home...

"I am grateful for the lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and floors that need waxing, because it means I have a home." -unknown

The author of the above quote was on to something. The person, (likely a woman!) found it within herself to extract positive from potentially negative observations. This, I've come to realize, is SO essential for my peace and well-being. How powerful to see these tasks through a different lens.
As anyone who knows me at all knows that I (used to!) tend towards the half-empty glass, the half-empty gas tank, and the half-finished projects that I was just sure would never get finished in this lifetime. So, of all people I need a lot of practice in gratefulness. But, the more I look on the bright side, the brighter the skies become.

I am still overwhelmed, but in a new way. I'm overwhelmed with God's goodness and his abundant blessings, and not the vastness of our uncompleted projects. And for everything that's not yet quite right, there is something else that is a perfect blessing. A few examples:


 I can focus on my dirty "cob-webby" porch window....

...or the lovely view just beyond it...

...the unfinished front living area

...or the great job my husband did with the tile floor in the bathroom just down the hall...

... I can look at the mess on my husband's desk...

... or I can look at my precious husband, whom has held my heart for 26 years...

...  I can focus on the back of our unfinished house

...or I can see the pool and hot tub where I  swim and soak  in my back yard...and appreciate the view of the lake.

I can feel depressed because it seems to be taking so long to finish rebuilding the front porch...

...or I can choose to feel happy that what IS finished looks so great...

I am BLESSED to have a home. Some people don't. I am BLESSED to have PEOPLE in my life who make every day BETTER than it would be without them. Many folks have lost loved ones whom they'll never see again, on this earth. I have dirty windows and half-painted cabinets and only one bathroom in a house that has plans for three. I have wires and insulation hanging exposed in my ceilings, and an enclosed back porch that needs to get torn down. But these THINGS are not my LIFE. They are just THINGS and only a small and INSIGNIFICANT part of my life in the big picture. I have chosen to not lose one more  day  fretting over STUFF and circumstances that I have little or no control over.  I have a LIFE to live and I'm ready to get on with the wild JOYS of living!

Grace for the way,
Becky

A Time to Laugh...

Solomon, writes in the  book of Ecclesiastes (in the Bible) that there is a season for everything and a time for every purpose under heaven, including a time to laugh and a time to cry. Who amongst us haven't had our share of tears? But laughter? Lord knows I could use more.
We usually associate tears with sadness and laughter with joy. But sometimes, we find ourselves laughing THROUGH the tears. Not BECAUSE of the tears, but more often, IN SPITE OF the tears.
When my daughter, Amy, was sixteen, she was diagnosed with a brain tumor. the tumor was called an ependymoma and was attached to the brain stem. When the tumor was discovered, it was found to be at "critical mass" requiring near immediate emergency brain surgery. The next several hours and days were beyond traumatizing for me. As a mom, I felt incredibly helpless. It was all so "out of my hands."
Amy came through the surgery wiithout incidence. She was blessed to have a renowned brain surgeon from Duke University Hopital in Durham, NC do the honors of (safely) removing a tumor the size of an egg from her brain stem( a very important part of the brain which adjoins to and is structurally continuous with the spinal cord.) Because of the obvious risk, Dr. Fuchs had to leave a tiny remainder of the tumor attached, so as not to severe the brain stem from the spinal cord or damage the connecting nerves that controlled various sensory and motor skills, like sight, for instance. Because of this, Amy underwent 60 treatments of radiation therapy. Twice daily, 5 days a week, for 30 (not consecutive) days.
In the days and weeks following Amy's brain tumor diagnosis,  I learned some astounding lessons, one of which was the healing virtue of laughter. Time and again, Amy's hospital room would fill with people and laughter would soon follow. Sometimes, I cried until I laughed and other times, I laughed until I cried. And more than once, I just laughed and cried all at once. I remember laughing so hard, my sides literally hurt. And it "hurt so good."
I have been a person who tends to take myself and life all too seriously. Amy always was a pretty laid back kid (who has grown into an equally laid-back young woman.) A quality I do not naturally come by. Amy seemed always to be telling me, "Ah, lighten up, ma, don't take everything so seriously." And I would inevitably come back with some statement like, "Well, SOMEBODY has too! No one else does!" Talk about trying to reign as ruler of the universe!
As with most things, it didn't happen overnight, but it did happen. Little by little, I let loose and learned to ALLOW myself (and my kids!)to have fun. Sometimes one of Amy's sister's would join us on our daily jaunts from Garner to Durham.

And as the days of radiation therapy ticked by, the laughter and lightness increased and the tension and stress lessened. We made friends with other patients, the parking lot monitor, the nurses...told stories, played practical jokes, skipped in parking lots, laid on our backs in the grass and went swinging on playgrounds. We donned our  Groucho Marx glasses, rolled down the windows and  cranked up the radio in five o'clock traffic, and sang at the top of our lungs. In short, we lived "out loud." We laughed, not because all the circumstances in our lives were right. Not because we weren't surrounded by world's of pain every day. Not because we had no cause for worry. Not because we had guarantees. We lived the minutes and hours. We laughed because we COULD.

And I think we all were  profoundly  GRATEFUL. We were ALIVE RIGHT NOW!
I learned to ditch my "pessimistic spectacles"...at least for a time. When did I pick them up again?? Or why? God, thank you for the memories...for the reminder. Life is to be LIVED. People are for LOVING. And LAUGHTER HEALS.

Grace for the way,
Becky


PS...I should note that Amy has been married to Tony for four years and they have a beautiful five month old son, named Evan Isaac. At 22, Amy is cancer-free and still loving life.

"Just give hope a chance to float up and it will..."

When I started this blog a couple of months ago, I really had no idea where I was heading. But I thought if I at least began, my spirit would lead me on. And so, it has. From today onward, I declare this space to be a place to revel in the goodness of God and to re-discover goodness in my own heart, in others, and in the world around me. A place where I record my gratitude to God for the people and the blessings in my life. And lastly, this blog will explore the grace that keeps me and the graces shown to me and the grace I desire to give to others.

I'm really excited to be here. It is a place of growth for me. I have wasted too many moments of my life:  dwelling on what's wrong, worrying about things that will probably never happen, trying to solve problems that aren't mine to solve, feeling guilty and making others feel that way, expecting the worst,  stressing out, nitpicking, complaining, judging and in general, peering through  pessimistic spectacles. In short, it's not working for me. Life is too sweet to be bitter. Or negative at every turn. There is just too much pain, heartache and misery out there,  for me to add to it. And at 45, I'm not too old to change. I'll venture to say it won't be easy for me and it won't happen overnight. It will take practice, perseverance, and plenty of positive self-talk. Above all, prayer. That is, looking to God to talk me/walk me through it. But, it's a beginning. Which reminds me of a quote from one of my favorite movies, Hope Floats:

"Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. You need to remember that when you find yourself at the beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up...and it will, too."

Grace,

Becky

"Sometimes I get the feeling that the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." -V.L. Allineare

What if much of what we've always believed to be true turns out to be a lie? Like believing in Santa as a kid, most all of us believe in doctors, prescription drugs, the government, charity foundations, etc. At least to a certain extent. But what if the joke is on us?

A close friend of mine lost her husband to cancer three years ago. She wrote about the experience and shared it with me. It was heartbreaking that they felt lied to at almost every turn by almost every doctor. (There was one old MD that they felt was sincere.)
Call me a conspiracy theorist or a Bible thumpin' scripture quoter, but one thing rings true to me. The LOVE of money, indeed seems to be, the root of ALL evil. At first, that is hard to imagine. I can see, MOST, maybe...but ALL? C'mon now. But every time I pull a thread and begin to unravel the sweater, it turns full-circle back to the love of mammon.

A few questions to ask yourself:

• Who seems to advertise even more than the automobile industry? If you  guessed pharmaceutical  companies, you are right. 
• When was the last time you went to the doctor and he/she talked to me more about diet and exercise as a way to prevent/cure illness, than about writing another prescription?
• If something as simple as eating organic foods and taking vitamin C was the prevention/cure for cancer, would there be any money to be made by oncologists and drug companies?

If keeping Americans sick and ignorant also keeps the coins clinking in the pockets of the powers that be, why would they waste time on prevention education and cures? Only to ultimately be standing in unemployment lines?
I know full well that I am on a rant, but after reading more information today, I do feel just furious! We are being played like someone's fiddle and we say, THANK YOU, and go along on our merry way.
At the risk of sounding like a hypocrite, I do still take prescription drugs. I am asking God for wisdom and courage to get off of them. I deal with clinical depression and thus far, have not done well trying to stop these meds, but it doesn't mean I'll quit trying.
We take so, so many things at face value and trust people we don't know who unfortunatley do NOT have our best interest in mind 99% of the time.
What if the cure for cancer has been under our noses all along, but we've been sold a bill of goods for someone else's job security, which, of course, comes back to the LOVE OF MONEY.

Okay, self, just calm down.  Breathe....in and out...in and out.....I'm going to take a break...have a cup of antioxidant tea, maybe sit on the porch and meditate on something more positive for awhile.

Every Day is a Gift from God

So, I FINALLY figured out how to upload a picture on my blog. Whoo-hoo. I confess I am technologically challenged. And I'm still getting used to my Mac, so there's another learning curve. Good excuse.

 I had an epiphany about a week ago. I was in search of more hours in my day, to do things that needed to be done (like housework, yuk) and also more time to catch up on my reading, writing, taking pictures, talk to a loved one on the phone, or write a letter. Basically, all things that I enjoy doing in my life. So, I thought for, like, 30 seconds, and then...TA DA! Just like that, it came to me. Quit watching TV, silly! And so, I did. Closed the doors on my entertainment center (I know, SO yesterday) and sat down with a book. Amazing. I knew that TV had the capacity to make a mind turn to mush, but, why did it take so long to click about it being a useless time-waster? And I still was only watching on a heavy-hitting day about 4 hrs. of TV, which is STILL only half of what the average (whatever that means) American watches per day.

But that has become one to four hours in my day that was just "gifted" back to me. Did I already say, Amazing?? Oh well, willy nilly if I did. I'll never come close to the 1538 times Ali said it on the Bachelorette this past season. "Chris is going to take you to meet his family tomorrow." Amazing! "Frank is still in love with his old girlfriend." Amazing! "Roberto has agreed to stay in the Fantasy Suite with you tonite." Amazing! ""The camera man just barfed up his sushi all over the patio." Amazing! Ok, you get the pic...please pardon my pitiful digression.

TV...yeah, so I did some internet research (the other AMAZING piece of technology that causes us to go gaga)and it confirmed what I already knew. TV makes the mind a bowl of mush. Cold, glazed over, unappealing mush. That's not to say that I'll never voluntarily set my eyes on another TV screen as long as I live, but it is to say that if I'm going to partake, I'm also going to acknowledge that I am, indeed, vegging out while the left, thinking, reasoning, discerning side of my brain goes out to lunch....or supper or...We are being programmed to NOT think anymore. Blame it on the producers, the advertisers, the media, blame it on the President, I don't care. But the truth is, it's WE who are pushing the remote.
All that to say: Time is a commodity these days. At least it is to me. And to find a few extra hours a day to create, to invest in relationships, to listen to the silence, to sit and do nothing, without apology...well, that, for me is pretty phenomenal.
Truly, every day IS a gift. :)

"We are stripped bare by the curse of plenty" -Winston Churchill

I'm beginning to think that America, at large, has gone mad. From our economy,to our families, to our politics, entertainment, out-of-control consumerism, the "church" of Jesus Christ, not-with-standing. We are being lulled into a trance, taken in by a spell, reeled in on a hook. We have allowed ourselves to become brain-washed into believing that right is wrong and wrong is right, that wants are needs and that stuff will somehow make us happier, more beautiful, more alluring, and successful. We have become lovers of mammon and pursuers of power. Self-indulgent to the point of being sickening. How did we get here? And how do we escape this insanity?
In our prosperity, we have forgotten who we are, not only as Christians, but as human beings. Now, I understand why David asked God to give him neither riches nor poverty, but just enough. But I wonder, if in our materialistic society, we even know what just enough is anymore. Is a cupboard containing rice and canned green beans "enough?" Do I consider myself deprived if I have no meat? Are 6 pairs of shoes "enough?" Because I probably have 25 pairs of shoes, (including sneakers and slippers) and I don't consider myself a "shoe person." Don't ask me about my pens. I likely have 100 or more. I wonder how I sleep at night. I want to be a better person. I don't want to be devoid of charity as I revel in my abundance. I want to share what I've been given...really care about others, not just act like I do. I want to give more than I get. And put more value on people than things.

"Our greatest danger in life is to allow the urgent things to crowd out the important."

So, let's break this down to where we live...

EXAMPLES OF THE URGENT:
Paying the electric bill that was due... yesterday, vacuuming the dead flies up out of my living room window sill, finding the match to my favorite black shoe,searching online for a place to vacation, going to the grocery store for butter for tonight's dinner, watching the Bachlerette finale to see who Ali chooses (PLLEEEEEAASE!), trying to decide...for hours... what color to dye my hair, getting the last bid in on Ebay as the seconds tick by, mopping the sticky kitchen floor where the lemonade was spilled, taking a shower so I can get to the post office on time...

EXAMPLES OF THE IMPORTANT:
Writing those long overdue cards to my loved ones, listening to a friend who NEEDS me to just listen...for as long as it takes to pour her heart out, kissing my husband goodbye when he walks out the door, playing with my grandson, talking to my girls, savoring the moments of stillness with God, long phone conversations with my son, chatting on the porch with my favorite neighbor, laughing at my little dog as she runs around in circles, holding the door for the lady with the overflowing grocery cart and four fussy kids...

So many days, I DO allow the urgent to take precidence over what's important. I get caught up in too many things that matter little in the bigger perspective. I let other people's "emergencies" and my own obsessiveness cloud my judgement and flitter away my time. But I am learning, slowly, as I grow older and (hopefully)a tad-bit wiser, the vast difference between urgent and important.