Come Saturday Morning...

As usual, my thoughts are all over the place this morning. Focus, girl, focus! I need to do yoga again. Laugh and ohhhhmmm...but it works for me. It helps my head and stretching keeps me flexible when everything within this 45 yr. old body feels like freezing up.
My thoughts settle on marriage, as they seem to so often lately. I'm reading a book called Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. The front cover asks this question: What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy? I must have picked this book up and set it down ten times before I bought it. Am I even ready to go there??
I finally plunked down the $3.99 for it and brought it home. And it sat for a couple of months begging to be read while I willfully resisted. A few times, I remember thinking, "Why would I do that to myself...spend $$ on a pain-in-the-ass book that is going to require something out of me-I just know it-that I'm not ready to give. Or give UP. Like, huh-hum,my self-centeredness. Something that 25 years of marriage has failed to annihilate. So, long story short, I'm on page 107.
I haven't talked about the ins and outs of marriage with many folks who have been married 25 yrs. or more, but based on my own experience, you don't necessarily "have it in the bag" by now. If anything, I'm at times even more clueless about the inner workings of a marriage. Somewhere back "there" I lost all the answers I knew to be right and found myself asking more questions. And I'm beginning to realize that I will never figure it all out, in marriage or life. And more importantly, I don't need to anymore.
Marriage is and will always be a bit of a mystery to me. I begin to resent the terms:
good marriage, bad marriage...because if we're honest with ourselves, don't most marriages add up to a little of both?
I'm moving a bit slowly through this Sacred Marriage book, sometimes I even back up. I am committed to growth in my marriage, which is sure to involve change, a different perspective at times and a willingness to go the extra mile...because I've already traversed so many miles with this guy. And while the trail has been rough and on occasion, even treacherous, I can't think of anyone else I'd have rather made the journey with.