...because it means I have a home...

"I am grateful for the lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and floors that need waxing, because it means I have a home." -unknown

The author of the above quote was on to something. The person, (likely a woman!) found it within herself to extract positive from potentially negative observations. This, I've come to realize, is SO essential for my peace and well-being. How powerful to see these tasks through a different lens.
As anyone who knows me at all knows that I (used to!) tend towards the half-empty glass, the half-empty gas tank, and the half-finished projects that I was just sure would never get finished in this lifetime. So, of all people I need a lot of practice in gratefulness. But, the more I look on the bright side, the brighter the skies become.

I am still overwhelmed, but in a new way. I'm overwhelmed with God's goodness and his abundant blessings, and not the vastness of our uncompleted projects. And for everything that's not yet quite right, there is something else that is a perfect blessing. A few examples:


 I can focus on my dirty "cob-webby" porch window....

...or the lovely view just beyond it...

...the unfinished front living area

...or the great job my husband did with the tile floor in the bathroom just down the hall...

... I can look at the mess on my husband's desk...

... or I can look at my precious husband, whom has held my heart for 26 years...

...  I can focus on the back of our unfinished house

...or I can see the pool and hot tub where I  swim and soak  in my back yard...and appreciate the view of the lake.

I can feel depressed because it seems to be taking so long to finish rebuilding the front porch...

...or I can choose to feel happy that what IS finished looks so great...

I am BLESSED to have a home. Some people don't. I am BLESSED to have PEOPLE in my life who make every day BETTER than it would be without them. Many folks have lost loved ones whom they'll never see again, on this earth. I have dirty windows and half-painted cabinets and only one bathroom in a house that has plans for three. I have wires and insulation hanging exposed in my ceilings, and an enclosed back porch that needs to get torn down. But these THINGS are not my LIFE. They are just THINGS and only a small and INSIGNIFICANT part of my life in the big picture. I have chosen to not lose one more  day  fretting over STUFF and circumstances that I have little or no control over.  I have a LIFE to live and I'm ready to get on with the wild JOYS of living!

Grace for the way,
Becky

A Time to Laugh...

Solomon, writes in the  book of Ecclesiastes (in the Bible) that there is a season for everything and a time for every purpose under heaven, including a time to laugh and a time to cry. Who amongst us haven't had our share of tears? But laughter? Lord knows I could use more.
We usually associate tears with sadness and laughter with joy. But sometimes, we find ourselves laughing THROUGH the tears. Not BECAUSE of the tears, but more often, IN SPITE OF the tears.
When my daughter, Amy, was sixteen, she was diagnosed with a brain tumor. the tumor was called an ependymoma and was attached to the brain stem. When the tumor was discovered, it was found to be at "critical mass" requiring near immediate emergency brain surgery. The next several hours and days were beyond traumatizing for me. As a mom, I felt incredibly helpless. It was all so "out of my hands."
Amy came through the surgery wiithout incidence. She was blessed to have a renowned brain surgeon from Duke University Hopital in Durham, NC do the honors of (safely) removing a tumor the size of an egg from her brain stem( a very important part of the brain which adjoins to and is structurally continuous with the spinal cord.) Because of the obvious risk, Dr. Fuchs had to leave a tiny remainder of the tumor attached, so as not to severe the brain stem from the spinal cord or damage the connecting nerves that controlled various sensory and motor skills, like sight, for instance. Because of this, Amy underwent 60 treatments of radiation therapy. Twice daily, 5 days a week, for 30 (not consecutive) days.
In the days and weeks following Amy's brain tumor diagnosis,  I learned some astounding lessons, one of which was the healing virtue of laughter. Time and again, Amy's hospital room would fill with people and laughter would soon follow. Sometimes, I cried until I laughed and other times, I laughed until I cried. And more than once, I just laughed and cried all at once. I remember laughing so hard, my sides literally hurt. And it "hurt so good."
I have been a person who tends to take myself and life all too seriously. Amy always was a pretty laid back kid (who has grown into an equally laid-back young woman.) A quality I do not naturally come by. Amy seemed always to be telling me, "Ah, lighten up, ma, don't take everything so seriously." And I would inevitably come back with some statement like, "Well, SOMEBODY has too! No one else does!" Talk about trying to reign as ruler of the universe!
As with most things, it didn't happen overnight, but it did happen. Little by little, I let loose and learned to ALLOW myself (and my kids!)to have fun. Sometimes one of Amy's sister's would join us on our daily jaunts from Garner to Durham.

And as the days of radiation therapy ticked by, the laughter and lightness increased and the tension and stress lessened. We made friends with other patients, the parking lot monitor, the nurses...told stories, played practical jokes, skipped in parking lots, laid on our backs in the grass and went swinging on playgrounds. We donned our  Groucho Marx glasses, rolled down the windows and  cranked up the radio in five o'clock traffic, and sang at the top of our lungs. In short, we lived "out loud." We laughed, not because all the circumstances in our lives were right. Not because we weren't surrounded by world's of pain every day. Not because we had no cause for worry. Not because we had guarantees. We lived the minutes and hours. We laughed because we COULD.

And I think we all were  profoundly  GRATEFUL. We were ALIVE RIGHT NOW!
I learned to ditch my "pessimistic spectacles"...at least for a time. When did I pick them up again?? Or why? God, thank you for the memories...for the reminder. Life is to be LIVED. People are for LOVING. And LAUGHTER HEALS.

Grace for the way,
Becky


PS...I should note that Amy has been married to Tony for four years and they have a beautiful five month old son, named Evan Isaac. At 22, Amy is cancer-free and still loving life.

"Just give hope a chance to float up and it will..."

When I started this blog a couple of months ago, I really had no idea where I was heading. But I thought if I at least began, my spirit would lead me on. And so, it has. From today onward, I declare this space to be a place to revel in the goodness of God and to re-discover goodness in my own heart, in others, and in the world around me. A place where I record my gratitude to God for the people and the blessings in my life. And lastly, this blog will explore the grace that keeps me and the graces shown to me and the grace I desire to give to others.

I'm really excited to be here. It is a place of growth for me. I have wasted too many moments of my life:  dwelling on what's wrong, worrying about things that will probably never happen, trying to solve problems that aren't mine to solve, feeling guilty and making others feel that way, expecting the worst,  stressing out, nitpicking, complaining, judging and in general, peering through  pessimistic spectacles. In short, it's not working for me. Life is too sweet to be bitter. Or negative at every turn. There is just too much pain, heartache and misery out there,  for me to add to it. And at 45, I'm not too old to change. I'll venture to say it won't be easy for me and it won't happen overnight. It will take practice, perseverance, and plenty of positive self-talk. Above all, prayer. That is, looking to God to talk me/walk me through it. But, it's a beginning. Which reminds me of a quote from one of my favorite movies, Hope Floats:

"Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. You need to remember that when you find yourself at the beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up...and it will, too."

Grace,

Becky